36-year-old mother of two refuses to be sister's surrogate, accused of being vain for not wanting to ruin her "mommy makeover" surgery results: "I had my tubes removed for a reason"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Mar 1, 2025 7:00 PM EST

Feeling uncomfortable in your body is one of the less joyous aspects of existence. Whether you're physically ill and your body is fighting off bacteria and pathogens by filling your sinuses with mucous, or your pants are still too tight after the holidays and making you feel some type of way, being a human can totally feel like being trapped in a flesh prison. However, once you get your "groove" back – be it with chicken noodle soup or regular exercise– it can give you a whole new appreciation for life.

In our story today, a woman undergoes surgery to help her feel like herself again after two pregnancies that took a major toll on her body. However, her entitled sister has other plans; she wants her to be her free surrogate, undermining her financial and emotional investment. She then ropes in their parents, turning this sibling squabble into a family feud. Scroll down to get the full story. 

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  • 01

    AITA point blank refusing be my sister's surrogate, because would ruin my "mummy makeover"?

    "I have zero desire to put my body through another pregnancy."
    via Pexels from Pixabay

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I (36F) have two kids (8M & 5F) and knew after my daughter was born that I was done. I had my tubes removed and then last year I went and had some very expensive surgery to get rid of saggy, scarred
    via u/Comfortable-Kiwi5771
  • 03
    skin after years of body changes from pregnancy and breastfeeding and weight loss. I finally feel more confident in how I look again, and I have zero desire to put my body through another pregnancy.
    via u/Comfortable-Kiwi5771
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10473805824
    via nortonrsx

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    My older sister (40F) got married last year but just recently found out she likely won't be able to carry a pregnancy to term due to her very short cervix. It's obviously devastating for her and her husband, who is a sound guy, and I do feel for them. But instead of looking into other options, she cornered me in our
    via u/Comfortable-Kiwi5771
  • 06
    parents house on Sunday and asked me to be her surrogate not if I'd consider it, but as if it was the natural solution? Before i could reply she listed her reasons, like that I've already been pregnant twice, so clearly "my parts work" and it shouldn't be a big issue for me to do it again?
    via u/Comfortable-Kiwi5771

  • “No” is a complete sentence. Our protagonist doesn't have to explain herself; she doesn't want to carry another baby, and that's final!

  • 07
    I tried to be nice about it, and said no, that I had my tubes removed for a reason, I don't want to go through pregnancy again, I don't want to undo everything I've done to feel good in my body again. I just don't want to. Also I'm 36 now, which isn't 40, but is quite different to being pregnant in your twenties and early thirties.
    via u/Comfortable-Kiwi5771
  • 08
    She didn't take it well. She was upset, saying it wasn't fair that I "already got to be a mam" and I should want to help her have the same happiness even if it meant having the surgery re-done in the
    via u/Comfortable-Kiwi5771
  • 09
    future, and that she would do it for me in a heartbeat. I get that she's having a hard time but it isn't my fault she has a short cervix and I don't think she fully understands how difficult the recovery after my surgery was.
    via u/Comfortable-Kiwi5771
  • 10
    She went crying to my parents after I left and they are involved now too. My mother notably said "you'll get through another pregnancy, but your sister may never get over not being a mam." She also pointed out that she "sacrificed her nice figure to bring us into the world". I saw red at that one and reminded her that she wouldn't even take my kids for a week
    via u/Comfortable-Kiwi5771
  • 11
    or so while I was recovering last year because she said she was "done playing mammy when Danny left home" (Danny is our younger brother - 28M if that's relevant), so she's obviously not that self- sacrificing. She also said at the time my surgery was "pure vanity" and "a waste of money".
    via u/Comfortable-Kiwi5771
  • 12
    Cheezburger Image 10473806080
    via freemixer

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 13
    My husband is conflict adverse so was neutral initially, saying it was my decision, but he can see the tensions it's causing so even he's saying that maybe we should at least look into it, and see what's involved so we can make an informed decision and I'm like "there is no we in this" and he says "ok, so then you can make an informed decision".
    via u/Comfortable-Kiwi5771
  • 14
    That was a couple of days ago and then my sister brought it up again there today, and I was very blunt with her this time, I told her there was no way in h | I was doing this, and she called me a selfish (swear word beginning with b that might not be allowed on Reddit).
    via u/Comfortable-Kiwi5771
  • 15
    So, reddit, am I the a hole for refusing to be my sister's surrogate without even looking into it? I'm not even sure what the laws are around it where we live, it's never even crossed my radar before this week. I think legally I would be listed as the child's mother?
    via u/Comfortable-Kiwi5771
  • 16
    TI; DNR: my sister wants me to be her surrogate. I don't want to, but it's causing tension in the family and I may be the ah le because my main reason for not doing it is that I had a "mammy makeover" last year. Also that I had my tubes removed and am not interested in fertility treatments or anything.
    via u/Comfortable-Kiwi5771
  • 17
    stolenfires I feel like you're already making an informed decision. You know what pregnancy is like and you don't want to do it again. What more information might you possibly need? NTA.
    via u/stolenfires
  • 18
    Cheezburger Image 10473806336
    via Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 19
    Boomer050882 Excellent point. I thought the same thing.
    via u/Boomer050882

  • Her husband is caving under pressure; he needs to stand by his wife's side instead. He's seen first-hand how pregnancy has affected her. He shouldn't be entertaining sister's notions at all.

  • 20
    HanaMashida Exactly!! OP has literally already done research via her 1st 2 pregnancies and it's a nope. Unfortunately, with the sisters age she should have started working on a back up plan. Does the husband have no female relatives? Im also curious as to how long the sister and the husband were dating before getting married?
    via u/HanaMashida
  • 21
    stolenfires And like, I feel bad for the sister. But life isn't fair and some women don't get to be mothers. She's not entitled to use someone else's body, especially someone who's already said no. Time to explore other options for parenthood.
    via u/stolenfires
  • 22
    wozattacks This pregnancy would almost certainly be harder than her previous since she would be using reproductive assistance and is older than she was. H I I'm a new mom who had a very (relatively) easy pregnancy and birth and I'm leaning towards being one-and-done because I feel like I could never get that lucky a second time!
    via u/wozattacks
  • 23
    deliciae13 I have one. I was like, again??!! people do this
    via u/deliciae13
  • 24
    drownigfishy NTA it's not about undoing what you did, it's that YOU ARE DONE. Uterus closed - out of business. It's not selfish; pregnancy isn't easy and as you saw first hand it's hard on your body.
    via u/drownigfishy
  • 25
    Experiment_262 The mommy makeover is irrelevant, it's your choice to carry a baby or not and go through pregnancy again or not, period. ΝΤΑ
    via u/Experiment_262
  • 26
    Amazing-Succotash-77 Not really, it's thousands of dollars depending on where she had it done, could easily be 20k+ and not an easy recovery, so "undoing" it certainly plays a role, financially, mentally, and physically. Ontop of the risks that go with pregnancy, IVF, and being a surrogate for a geriatric pregnancy.
    via u/Amazing-Succotash-77
  • 27
    TheOtherElbieKay I think the poster means that OP doesn't owe her sister any explanation beyond "no".
    via u/TheOtherElbieKay
  • 28
    slboml You mentioned having excess skin removed as part of your mommy makeover. Your skin is going to have a very hard time stretching again from another pregnancy. It might even be a risk to you. Skin can only stretch so much.
    via u/slboml
  • 29
    At the end of the day though, it doesn't matter because you don't want to do it. It was a big ask that you would be well within your rights to decline even without all the other stuff. Your sister has other options. It's time for her to figure it out.
    via u/slboml
  • 30
    LilyLuigi Also is she going to pay for all that surgery to redo what you had done last time? I would definitely talk to your surgeon about it. Not only might your skin not stretch, but would previous suture lines be in danger with stretching skin?
    via u/LilyLuigi
  • 31
    3springers NTA. I was a surrogate at your age, after having a child of my own in my twenties, and let me tell you, it was hard on my body. All the hormones. The shots. The complications. I'm 44 now and my body still hasn't recovered
    via u/3springers

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reddit story pregnant reddit thread Reddit weight loss family drama pregnancy plastic surgery Female Empowerment siblings surrogate entitled family sister entitled people
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